Art 'attack'

This is how a typical art lesson runs in my class.

Setting the scene
Even before art has even began, I am getting flustered at the thought of using paint in class; my body temperature has risen slightly. The kids are excited about using paint, and continually ask me pointless questions about what I am doing. This makes me snappy as i need to give my whole attention to preparing the classroom (laying newspaper everywhere, getting their paintbrushes ready, etc). I tell them to be quiet. They do so for five seconds, then I hear them argue amongst each other about what they think I am doing. This makes me even more snappy as it prevents me from concentrating clearly.


"OK, nobody talk to me, nobody come near me or even attempt to touch me, let alone hug me whilst I am dealing with paint, this area here is just for teachers, you cannot come in, OK"

"OK"

I am poring paint into their containers.

Alina "Teacher, I don't have my painting smock"

"Alina, what did I say, don't talk to me. Ohh, ok, go to the class next door and borrow one. Actually, hands up, who doesn't have their painting smocks.

Five hands go up.

"Where are your painting smocks"

"My mummy in my house, and she put and she go to the there and she....

"Ok, ok, ok. All of you, go next door and borrow one from the other students"

The five students go. I return to pouring paint. The five students return with painting smocks.

Kathy "Teacher John"

"What"

"I don't have a painting smock"

"Uuughhhh Kathy, what did I just say, you were not listening were you. What did I say to you before about you not listening to instructions. Why weren't you listening?"

"I dunno"

"Just go next door"

She goes. I continue pouring paint into the containers.

Michele "Teacher John"

"What"

"Can you (mimed 'tying the knot to the smock' action) please"

"Get somebody else to help you. Who can tie a knot? (Hunter's hand goes up). Great, there you go, get Hunter to help you."

I continue pouring paint. A minute later I can hear a commotion. Half the class are trying to untie the monster knot Hunter has made.

"Everybody go away, I will do it" A minute later, crisis is solved. "Who else needs help tying their knots" The whole class puts their hands up. I can feel beads of sweat forming on my head.

Knots tied, I go back to pouring paint. Once this has been completed, I begin to show the students what we are going to make and how we are going to do it.

"Ok, if you can't see from your table, move to a place where you can"

Children move.

Anita "Teacher, I no see, Jimmy sit in the front of me"

"Jimmy, is that a good idea, do you think that is the best place for you to sit, go there"

Jimmy drags is chair across the floor.

"JIMMY"

I demonstrate to the class what we are going to do. We use a toothbrush, dip it into the paint, and flick the brush head so that the paint sprays onto a piece of paper.

"Now, this is how we hold the toothbrush ok, watch my finger as I flick the brush, see, like this. Now, we don't flick the brush head when its facing up, because if you do, you will get paint all over your face, so make sure it is facing down. When you have finished with one colour, don't dip the toothbrush into a different coloured pot, because if you do, you will end up mixing all the colours and it will just look yuki! So what we do is, when we have finished with one colour, we take our brush, go to the sink, clean it until there is no more paint, Ok?" "OOOOOKAAAAAYYYY"
"Be careful when you are flicking the brush, you don't want to get paint on someone else's picture, so keep the toothbrush low down. Next, if you have long sleeves, roll them up, you don't want to get paint on them"

The students make feeble attempts at rolling their sleeves up. I help.

"Another thing, don't put this in your mouth, or you will die, ok?" "oookaaayyyyy"

And last, and most important thing, don't touch me when you have paint on your fingers. That especially goes to you Kathy. You remember the big paint hand print you put on my white shirt, don't you!

Ok, go!

The kids get on with their art.

Hiccups to my smooth plan soon begin to appear.

"Jimmy, that's fantastic, I love the red splatter marks, and these cool yellow lines. Now, I just want you to do exactly the same, but hold the toothbrush over the paper, not the table. Ahh, that's much better Jimmy, you're doing so well today!"

"Stop stop stop Alina, what are you doing? You have hardly done any work! Let me take over and you watch me, ok? See how I use my finger to flick the paint off the brush. Show me how you do it. Alina, that's not flicking the paint off, what you are doing is smearing the paint all over your hand, that's why you have only a little paint on your paper. Now do it properly. Ahh, that's much better, you are doing so well today!"

I walk around the class, watching over the students work. However, I need to impersonate John Cleese's large walking strides to avoid the flying paint from landing on me.

I look at Yuki's work, its very good. I pass Anita's work, its a bit crap.

Anita "Teacher, look"

"Wow, Anita, that is so good, its beautiful. I like the orange over here. You are doing so well today"

The next few minutes are pretty uneventful. Except for when Gina, my Taiwanese teaching assistant (who has been laying low during the whole ordeal, and who always says ' I'm busy ' when I ask her to help during art) decides to pipe up and say "You have paint on your trousers".

I shoot her a dirty look from across the room. She smiles and laughs quietly. Then goes back to her work.

A major incident has occurred, one which I never anticipated. As the students repeatedly race backwards and forwards to the sink to wash the paint of their toothbrushes, the drops of water that fall off their wet toothbrushes have made the floor slippery. Ginny slips (she is ok) and places her paint covered hands all over the floor.

Even though its winter, I take my jumper off, I am getting too hot and bothered.
I quickly clean the mess up and instruct the children how to wipe any excess water.

Things go back to normal.

The end is in sight, the children are finishing their work. But this is also a dramatic period. Students who finish early, begin to ask me if they can help. If I say no, they are likely to wonder around the class room and touch things and eventually one will knock some paint over. If I say yes to one, then they all want to help, but I don't have enough jobs for everyone. Those who don't have a helping job will instead try and help me in any way they can. This is dangerous. These kids end up getting in my way and do more harm than good. For example, they might try and clean the pots of paints even though some students have not finished painting. This then causes an argument between them which aggravates me.

Finally, all the students have finished. I place their work high up to dry so they cannot touch it. I then grab the pots of paint and head to the outdoor sink. Gina (my teaching assistant) knows this is her cue. She knows that I have had enough and can't bear to see the mess in the classroom any longer. She gathers the kids and gets them to clean the room. I only return to the classroom once its clean.

I sigh a big breath of relief, art is over.

"So, did you all have lots of fun making your pictures? Was it cool?"

The kids shout "YEEEESSSSSSS, COOOOOOL"

"Yeah, me too, it was so cool"